Hi! 👋 Maybe I will finally get this out to y’all. (Yous guys? Lol but no promises as I have started 3 posts but never finished them.)

Being intentinal has been so crazy hard. Every morning I wake up with my “plans”. Doesn’t matter its modality, once I’m up I struggle. It has been a rough start to 2024 for me. Between nerve pain and changing therapists, it’s been stressful for me. I have needed to write, but, again feelings of being overwhelmed changes my day.

I think we will start finding our grove this month. Again. Being flexable and intentional is really hard.

We are finishing filling out the new team of therapits. When you see the same people every week for years, it doesn’t take long to miss them. I miss my friends terribly. Those therapits started fighting for me in ways I hadn’t realized I was missing. Because of the building blocks they laid out for me I can have conversations with people who don’t live in my house and be understood, AND, I can move from room to room independently. These things are so HUGE to me. THANK YOU!!

I really do enjoy getting to know new therapists. Each person I see brings in a new perception of what I can do. A perfect example was at physical therapy last week. I have 2 main ladies I see, but occasionally I will get a fill in therapist. When my main ladies aren’t avaliable someone fiils in and gets to work with me. I have been working on walking. Guys, it’s a long process. Every time I think I’m starting to feel and walk less awkward a new therapist comes in and sees something that will help be more “normal”. (my words not theirs 😄)

Last week I had an appointment with a therapist I had done a session or two with, but it had been awhile. We did some walking and she saw something that she could help work on…let me tell you I was sore for days. It is always very unsettling when a movement “feels normal” but takes so much work and thought. And lots of help holding, in this case my knee, in a way that would require diffrent muscles to work that weren’t being used. This also makes me aware of how weak my body is.

When I went back to the office for my physical therapy appointment on Wednesday I made sure to tell that therapist I didn’t want to see her again because I was sore. 😉 I am reminded I felt that way about a few therapists, but have really appreciated the new eyes and potentional. But I seriously told my therapist on Wednesday that I was done and couldn’t do any ting else. I am not sure I’ve actually said I’m just done before.

It won’t stop me from working next week, or even today, because I had a moment where I was just standing where I was so thankful to see things from this “normal” prospective. I try when that happens, the shock of how good it feels to be standing, to just breathe it in and take a few breaths. I mean, it’s something so simple that it takes me aback that I would enjoy just looking and talking while standing.

I tried embroidery again last week for the first time since the accident. We had to do a crazy creative way to hold the hoop, you know since only one arm and hand work. Photoor it didn’t happen right? 😁

It worked except for tilting and changing thread…I have to say, it’s really kinda crazy how things I could easily do before take so much time and creativity to adjust. It also takes time to try and either succeed or set it aside to try again later.

After 6 almost 7 years of Matt being my full time caregiver I am happy to say we are getting help a few days a week now. I’m so grateful for Matt’s willingness to stay home and take care of me, but it hasn’t given him, or me, and time away from each other. He needs some time to get out of the house. We have only had one day with her, but I felt like it took away some stress. Y’ll I hate not being able to…do anything. So much of the anger that happens here starts at that spot with me. I can’t…

I really try not to just sit here in this sad place, but even this morning talking with my daughter who is a freshman, wanting to do a thing with her friends but can’t because I can’t, breaks my heart. I am willing but… I just can’t.

Unfortunately, we have no control over what could have been, so I just hug her and let her know she’s loved. Gosh that took a turn I wasn’t expecting.

I am excited about the addition of the therapy team. I am really hopeful that some of this heavyness leaves the more I am capable, with help, to do the basic things a mom does.

I made folding laundry and making dinner goals again with my new occupational therapist, I might regret this decision. (Gulp 😬) Who in their right mind wants to fold laundry?

Again my new therapy team and my new (I’m going to call her best friend because she will soon know more about me than I do) best friend see some real potential for increased “normalcy” (my word not theirs).

I came across this verse last week during my daily devotional:

‭‭Acts 28:15 ESV‬‬
[15] And the brothers there, when they heard about us, came as far as the Forum of Appius and Three Taverns to meet us. On seeing them, Paul thanked God and took courage.

https://bible.com/bible/59/act.28.15.ESV

The blue portion really stuck out to me. How many times does God tells us in the Bible to trust Him? I know that it is not necessarily in context with what Paul was walking through…some heavy stuff. He always was. So I am really trying to thank God and take courage for right this very minute. After 6 years I am just tired. But, like a breath of fresh needed but unrealized, my new team members encourage me to take courage. I may not be where I want but I will keep pressing in.

If we are not friends on Facebook, you missed the update I asked Alexa to start a timer for 5 minutes and Alexa understood me and started the timer! If you didn’t know the “exa” sound is sooooo hard to make. Just say’n.

I know there have been a few other big moments I wanted to share, but of course I can’t remember what they were. I intended to share them when they happened but once again intentional buts up against my reality. So again I am struck by being intentional to give myself some grace. I really am getting better, more “normal”. Which I’m not really sure I’ve ever felt.

Seriously I said Alexa and it responded! HUGE deal!

♡TeamGavrilides ♡TBI Survivor ♡Faith to walk in the middle ♡Seed of Hope