Just to be fair to you, I get distracted easily. That would be true if we were sitting across from each other both now and pre accident. So this is one of those moments where I realize I am so off where I wanted to be…so I will try again.

So back to influencers. I’m not sure how I came across this word. It could have been from a commercial or a conversation, again I don’t remember. But I do remember the yuckiness this word brought to me. It’s a little weird to me even now but, I hate this word.

Now if that seems unnatural seeing as I am trying to start a blog. I would agree with you except, the way I want to influence you. Ugg…even to myself in reading that it feels like a front. So here is my deal, I love Jesus. I am only where I am today because of God’s goodness. I know not everyone believes the way I do or even with the intensity I do, which I wouldn’t be truthful if I didn’t admit my faith has been questioned. Especially lately. Not sure if that is just a holiday thing or much bigger.

I want the hard things in my life to mean something. Isn’t that what we all want. Maybe at the most basic level, that is what influencers are all about? Wanting their lives and views to be expressed. To be seen? To be known?

I think so much of what I have wanted to share, with whoever would listen, has been watered down by this word, influencers. When I was able to come home I think it got worse and made me sad. Here’s why, what I saw and heard, tore my heart and really pushed me away from sharing. Everyone had an answer right or wrong. Let’s be honest 2020 was a really, really hard year. There were so many voices not in my head that wanted to be heard. While I wanted to share my life I, didn’t want to be another voice making noise. I still don’t want to just make noise but to encourage you in the hard things.

My kids would ask a question and before I could answer they would already have their tech out and three peoples opinions about whatever it was. In their defense, it often takes me forever to make my thoughts into words. There is breath, lips, tongue, and jaw muscle coordination that I have to think about now. All of that can take a minute. It always seems to fail me when I want to have a decent conversation with someone.

The opinions of the people on the websites created a bigger influence on their opinions than my opinion or thoughts. The big area for me, where I often get so frustrated, is if my opinion really matters?!? No it really doesn’t.

I have always loved talking about God. All things God. If you knew me before you have probably heard about my faith in one way or another. In places I couldn’t talk about my faith I would try and love, see, and know those around me. I trusted that my actions would speak of my love for God. Was I perfect about this? No, but I really tried. The idea of being seen, known, and loved was a heartbeat of my life.

The accident, I felt and still do a bit, stole church away from my family. Both in building and relationship. This hurts to admit out loud. While I was in the hospital and even after we were loved on in ways that were tangible and spiritual, but as days turned into months, months turned to years, the love became less tangible. I couldn’t actively, in a moment of stress, encourage my family. My children’s opinion about faith, love and, Jesus, got deluded, by the opinions of people they didn’t know and would most likely never meet in person. I prayed and still do for God to love on them in that very real and tangible way, that the things I tried to share when they were little will become so real and true to them. In times of stress it doesn’t feel like we gave them a good foundation. We also have a house full of teen hormones.

But, I guess this is a continued step of faith, parents have today and have had since the beginning of time. While I want the voice of influences within my kids lives to be Godly, I have to trust and pray. Speak when I feel the need, but trust that my choices within my own life echo the love I feel and have from God.

All of this to say, I will post about my continued healing and all the fun stuff happening in the lives of my family. I will also post prayers and opinions about stuff as I feel lead. I don’t want to influence you outside of hopefully pointing my life to the hope God gives us in His son Jesus. It doesn’t mean I always have my stuff under control, because if you know me, you know I don’t. I love the meme about winging life. That is me. Just winging motherhood, marriage, faith, make-up…life in general.

If you don’t mind the influence God has on my life, come along with me…we can wing it together.

♡TeamGavrilides ♡TBI Survivor ♡Faith to walk in the middle ♡Seed of Hope