I’m not realy sure this is a banana pudding post…we shall see.

If you can’t tell or don’t know my faith is a huge part of my life. And in my walk with the Lord over the last 27 years, wait that number CAN’T be right? But it is right, I have spent years in almost every stage of humanness with Him. I have been broken in so many ways by this world, other people I let influence me, myself wallowing in self pity and hatred. There have been moments where I was in such darkness I didn’t know how I would ever get out. I couldn’t see the light. Any light.

It’s easy for me to write those things because I’m not in that place currently, you are on the other side of a computer screen, and I don’t know what hard things you have going on in your life. Not writting this message has been eating away at my heart for a few days.My obedience has been really lacking lately. I’m sorry for that, for those of you that needed to read this message.

I have racked my brain for ways to incorporate the last post into this one, but I have been unable because as of the moment of writting this post, THIS is the first step to get to there,pudding there.

I shared a little about God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. A tiny bit. So, here is my Jesus spiel.

I believe what is written in the Bible is true and the very word of God. That doesn’t mean I haven’t and don’t wrestle with it sometimes, because I do. I don’t believe God caused the accident that changed the direction of my life, but I do believe He allowed it. I have spent many hours crying my heart out because I have blamed Him, been mad because He allowed this or that to be taken from my life. He could have…

I always come back to the fact that He loves me and this world is not my home. And we will have struggles in this life. The rain falls on the just and unjust alike.

Matthew 5:45 ESV[45] so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. https://bible.com/bible/59/mat.5.45.ESV

There are so many debates over baptisms and saving of souls and how you KNOW you are going to heaven when you die, and is there really a hell? I can’t answer with any science or any historical knowledge. My opinions, OPINIONS, are based on my faith, the truth I read in the Bible, and what I believe God has taught me personally.

I grew up in a church that said you had to be baptized in order to go to heaven. Or as a child that was my understanding. If I died before being baptized, I was going to hell. I was terrified. I uderstood that heaven was going to be eternity with God, but I understood that He was so big and really was too busy with more “importat” people than me, and that heaven would be just be our earthly lives, but life would be perfect.I would be perfect. Which was good because I wasn’t anything near perfect. Hell was just burning forever. I didn’t want anything to do with that.

When I was 6 years old we lived in an apartment complex in Huston, TX. Some other kids and I were playing in the front upstairs porch area of an empty apartment. My “mom” and I just got back from the grocery store, a fenced in backyard area of a recently vacated apartment, where we found a gallon jug of “milk”. When returning to the “home” porch and sitting in a circle with all the other “daughters”, my friend opened the jug of “milk” above my head. The “milk” dripped on my exposed shoulder and right leg. You’ve never seen a six year old run so fast down one set of stairs and up another set. I thought my body was on fire.

The “milk” ended up being a jug of drain cleaner that the tenets had left in the fenced in backyard. I have memories of seeing the poison control in ER, being cleaned with a smelly soap, but that’s about it. That’s about all the memory have over the whole event, fire. My body being on fire over 5 small splahes of the harsh liquid was enough memory of being “on fire” that I didn’t want to end up burning for eternity.

As a maturing, as in I’m still a work in progress, Christian, I understand this is such broken thinking about getting to heaven and who Jesus is and what kind of relationship He wants with us.

Spending eterinty in heaven isn’t about NOT burning in hell for eternity but spending eterinty WITH my creator. Being IN relationship with God.

Today, as I sat in church worshiping, I am longing for the day when my body will be made whole and I can once again play music on my guitar and sing. I cannot express how much I miss just picking up and mindlessly playing something on my guitar.

I had a friend give me a ukulele but I have yet to have any luck doing more than holding it. I hate to admit I might be done making music…until I get to heaven.

Back to Jesus…I was baptized at 15. While I genuinely knew the basic concepts of what it meant, today I believe I have a much diffrent view. Deeper, more relational maybe. Maybe just older with life experiences. I don’t know. So, again, I have no formal training of any kind here.

The basic idea of religion, Christian religion, God created earth and humans so we, they, could live in relationship. Humans were given free choice, still are, and they made a choice that still affects us today. Because, God is Holy and as His creation, we made a choice that took humanity from a place of Holiness to a place of brokeness, God sent His son Jesus, to be a pathway for us to come back into Holy relationship with Him on earth and then for eternity in Heaven.

The reality of this story is we can’t get to Heaven without Jesus. AND…we live in a very broken world where God and His directions for us have been severely abused. Men, and women, love to make rules.

How to play a game. With a ball. Where it goes to win. Who gets to keep the rules and score.

How to teach. The best way to instruct. The correct amout of time. The right tone of voice.

But, we even take the “rules” and change them because we now know better.

The older I get the more I realize I don’t have the answers, I just know what hurts the most. I don’t want to control my kids lives, just let them know what will really hurt them. I know that doesn’t help much, but I just want them to have better than I did. That is an eye roll idea, I know, but it’s so true.

I would love for them to understand what Jesus did for them, and they desire a relationship with Him as well.

I’m not sure that where I was when I got baptized at 15 was a good thing for me. Ugg…but honestly is there ever a good time?

I went home feeling so pure. I mean I made the best decision, but I didn’t understand how the very next time I brooke a “rule” I would be attacked with shame and guilt. It would take long for me to believe that there was no way Jesus would ever die for me.

I longed to see more from God. I had been raised on the amazing stories from the Bible but I didn’t see anything from Him. Now, years later, I wish I could share with my younger self all the ways He was there and moving.

But more than that…my faith would grow because of what I would walk through, but to hold tight to the God who held onto me.

Over the years I have re-deadicate my life to God. Inviting Jesus to be the LORD over my life again and again. Sometimes in guilt over an overwhelming sin I’ve commited but often in just falling back in love with my God.

A conversation, over adult baptism, stirred within me an itch to share my thoughts on the subject of baptism. Jesus came to bring anyone who chooses to make Him LORD over their lives, back into relationship with our Holy Father.

Anyone, in any condition who chooses to make Jesus LORD, confessing you can’t do life without God.

This is getting harder and harder to express correctly. I feel like I would be much better at explaining in person. But I would still mess it up, and I don’t speak good English. 🫣

When things get hard, and I don’t know what to do, it sure is nice to be able to try and express my thoughts to God. Being secure in the knowledge that He knows my heart and what I’m trying to do even if I don’t. I’m trying and failing to do this well…

The Word of God says…Romans 10:9 ESV
[9] because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

https://bible.com/bible/59/rom.10.9.ESV

It doesn’t say be baptized. But I do believe baptism is an outward expression of an internal change. So, we don’t have to be baptized but it is a way to share with those around us and praise God over the internal change.

Some other thoughts. You might not like these but again, my thoughts. Asking Jesus to be LORD in your heart, and admitting you can’t do life yourself is the main thing. Surrendering control over you life, ultimately you don’t really have control anyway, and asking Him to direct your path, main thing. Baptism…

Infant baptism doesn’t get said infant into heaven. That is a choice only said person can make that decision for themselves. Infant baptism therefore I believe are more like dedications.

I don’t believe that children who don’t live to an age of understanding, not sure there is an actual number, God knows our hearts, goes to hell. That is crazy to me.

You cannot ride your parent’s, spouse’s, friend’s or pope/pastor’s faith shirt tails into heaven. It has to be your choice, your faith. And I’m sure you’ve heard not choosing is making a choice. I have a long history of faith in my family. I’m grateful for the prayers and footprints I get to follow but the only person who chooses if I go hell or heaven is me.

If you are a person who was baptized as an infant and that’s what your hope for not going to hell is based on, I want to challenge you to really seek your heart. Do you believe your going to heaven because you were baptized as an infant and that is your do what you want free pass, or do you genuinely believe in Jesus and want to allow him to lead and direct you.

Being a good person isn’t enough.

Going to ___ church isn’t enough.

You don’t have to memorize or have special knowledge.

It’s a free gift given to those who are willing to have relationship with Jesus.

All this means to me, as a parent of 4, I need to pray and love them as best as I can. I’m not a perfect mom and I do believe that God can change the result of any hurt I’ve unintentionally inflicted. I long to see each of my beautiful children’s souls in heaven, but as much as I would love to make that decision for them, only they can make that choice.

If you’re reading this and feel the pull of the Lord on your heart, don’t hesitate to call on the name of Jesus. If you’ve done that and feel the pull to get baptized, don’t let pride or shame keep you from celebrating what Go is doing in your heart and life!

Asking Jesus to be LORD is really just the beginning of our journey, but it begins a journey that ends in relationship for eternity with our Holy God.

♡TeamGavrilides ♡TBI Survivor ♡Faith to walk in the middle ♡Seed of Hope