How did it get to be February almost March already? I heard on the news the anchors joking about how long January seems to last forever, but I disagree. LOL The end of the year rushed by but then so did January and February. Getting back into some kinda rhythm with all my therapies. But, who am I kidding? I’m still talking about getting back into a rhythm. I’m trying to remind myself that everyone struggles with that in the beginning of the New Year, hence, New Year’s resolutions. Which I don’t usually do, because I’m not good at them.

I am a rebellious child. Setting goals makes me want to stick out my tounge and make an ugly face, ignor and walk away. History tells me I’ve been that way for a long time. That’s why I never finished a chouch to 5K program. 5 years to make it to week 3. 🤭

So, we had a great Christmas and New Year. Lots of holiday concerts, one that really brought me to tears. I wanted to write and share was how moved I was over the holiday concerts. Now, I’m a softy by nature and prone to cry, but, seeing my babies on stage…singing,,,something I was too scared to even try, made my mama’s heart so happy. But I was also moved by the dedication of the teachers. I spent, like, four months as a teacher’s assistant, getting ready for preschool graduation. They were singing an alphabet song and I had the honor of helping them with the song.

I get that working with 4 & 5 years olds and high schoolers is different, but the time and dedication…THANK YOU to all the teachers who put in time prepairing concerts!! It really is a blessing!

I remember having a conversation with my girls about how proud I was of them and how sad I was I couldn’t clap and stand at the end. I get the standing, ok I’m handicapped and can’t or haven’t yet just stood up at an event in public, but, to not even be able to clap, unless, I slapped my leg. But to have my left hand but not be able to move it to clap…

I know, over dramatic, but what was going through my brain. Then I remembered ALS (American Sign Language) has a sign for clapping. I recalled it was raising one’s hands over your head and waving. I found myself feeling self-conscious only being able, to once again, only move one arm, and I didn’t clap that way either.

But, you gotta love when your teenager calls you to the floor, for being stupid. During the conversation with the girls, K who’s 16 says “Why do you care what other people think? If you want to clap that way do it.”

I have you tell you confidentiality, I want to be like her when I grow up! Don’t tell her.😉

But it was just that great reminder that I wasn’t actually trying to draw more attention than I already get, being in a wheelchair, but really just my way of showing appriciation. So, at her concert, when it came time, I took a deep breath and waved my right hand as tears stung my eyes.

Goodness, you would think I might be better prepared for moments like even sharing my embarrassments and learning new things would be easy, but…I’m still me. Lol

So, Christmas went so well. Again with our children being older the day itself is so much more laid back. I kinda miss the craziness Christmas used to be. I don’t know that I ever would have believed I would say that, but I did. 😁

New Years was good too. L doesn’t live at home, so he wasn’t here, and the two middle plans fell through, so we ended up being the “hang out” house. But we played cards until it was ball dropping time and I made it until 1:30. Not bad, but the biggest problem is my brain doesn’t sleep in. So, I was awake and sleepy grumpy for the 1st.

January went by so fast. It really was a great month. I got to have lunch with a friend I knew before the accident. I went in fairly nervous. There are so many reasons why, the biggest continues to be my speech. I, by nature, am a talker, so it has been incredibly difficult to begin to feel confident enough for an extended visit. But my best friend and I went. I had speech therapy scheduled that morning because, its always a great warm up. It really just helps me build confidence that, yes, I can communicate, maybe not like before but pretty well.

Another thing I should share, speech therapy kicks my butt!! There is so much thinking and planning that happens during speech. I feel like there is so much more that comes naturally now than 6 months ago. Which is part of the goal, right? But often after speech I need a brain break before I do anything else. I don’t remeber for sure that I did, but I’m sure I did, because we were with my friends for 4 hours, yes, 4 hours.

It was so wonderful and life giving to reconnect with friends. We will be starting a Bible study with them and I am so excited!!

So far, 45 hasn’t been bad. I did a thing, I have wanted to do since I was 17 but never got up the courage. Before I share the thing, I have a tattoo I got when I was 18, and I had my belly button pierced at like 20, but both areas I was able to cover up when I felt like it was acceptable, but this…I don’t have a job, can’t work right now, and so…after talking to my younger kids I got my nose pierced. I just wanted a little face sparkle. It’s not as big of a deal now it was when I was younger. K, wanted to know if I was full out going to rebel and get my bellybutton done, at which I had to tell her it had already been done…once upon a time.

For the last few years I’ve gone back and forth over getting a tattoo that really represents my life right now, but I haven’t really thought of anything great. But…I do have something, but I’m not sure about the permanency of it yet. You have to be committed.

I am continuing to see some great measuring numbers for therapies. So, I can’t give up if I’m still moving forward, no matter how small the increments are. Phyical therapy is where I see the biggest number bump.

Two weeks ago I set another personal record for distance walking in 6 minutes. But, according to the accident-prone test I’m still handicapped. Lol Meaning I still walk slow compaired to the average person of my age, and I am still at a fall risk.

Some of the testing has a double edge to them. Yes I can walk better but not good enough for…

Goodness, it’s been a few weeks since progress reporting and waiting and hoping for some mention items for recovery, things like an adaptive left handed guitar and a standing desk. The possible guitar has my heart so hopeful…oh to make music again.

Speaking of music, I want to share a song that I wrote in 2015 and recorded before my accident. I’ve sent it to some family and friends over the years as I’ve felt led. But I’m going to share it here because it’s a great reminder, to myself, of how learning to play the guitar at 33 really filled a hole in my heart I didn’t know was empty. And how enduring callouses to relearning to play with my other hand will be worth it, if I get a new guitar. I hope you enjoy.

♡TeamGavrilides ♡TBI Survivor ♡Faith to walk in the middle ♡Seed of Hope