*This was written Aug 24. There is more summer ending fun stuff still coming. Enjoy…

Goodness it’s pretty crazy to write those words. 7 Years…they have been some really hard and really good years. My family and I slide from one end of the spectrum to the other pretty quickly. We might be having a great day, I mean really great day, and then I need something and just get so distracted with my inability to “do” what I want to do I lose it and start to cry. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell myself “don’t cry, don’t cry”, I, do making every thing worse. Then, of course, I get sad because I let the frustration take over, but the truth I’m slowly coming to is that, that is very much a part of my injury. The inability to control the frustration or emotion, crying for me, that follows.

Of course, no matter how hard I try, it seems to happen when the kids have friends over. Thankfully, friends keep coming. 😄 I would feel worse if they didn’t have friends over because of me.

In case you are wondering, this played out lst night. But to be fair to my brain, I did spend from 11:30-7:00 outside yesterday. I was a hot sweaty mess when I came in to eat dinner and was ready for bed at 5.

All that sharing to give some updates.

Speaking clearly…

In following suit with my last post, comes this revalation. I really have wanted to write this post for a long time now. Weeks, really. But as so often happens, I see such improvement that I push even harder in my therapy, which in turn brings on exhaustion and emotions, oh, and all the fun brain injury things. So, I have written this post so many times over the last few weeks in my head, where I was funny and charming and wrote out whole thoughts that didn’t leave you questioning my intent…but I can’t remember everything I wrote, so I hope this comes close. 😁

Because I had another moment this week I willl share this experience and the thoughts and feelings behind it.(written Aug.16th FYI)

I recently set up an annual doctor appointment, but they haven’t really been annual for a really long time. I was very good at making sure the kids got in to see both doctors and the dentist prior to the accident, but afterwaeds it really feel by the wayside. Due to insurance issues we have been moved from one type of insurance to another causing the doctors office to no longer take us as patients. A long way to go about saying I had fallen behind in very, very important testing. Having worked in radiology for years and then seeing 2 very dear ladies wrestle with a breast cancer diagnosis, I scheduled my mammogram within days of my doctor’s appointment. My new best friend, T, had the pleasure of taking me.

But even before we got this far, I bravely retuned the scheduler’s phone call. My new bestie was in the room in case my speech needed interpretation. It was pretty easy, since, 1- I was returing her call within minutes of her message, & 2- my name pops up caller ID. She was quick to get to the yes or no questions. Between me & you, they might have my case labeled hard to understand. I once woke up to the words ‘Non Verbal ” written in big, bold, devastating words, in my hospital room.

I ended up getting off the phone with her pretty proud of myself. It actually gave me enough confidence to call my mother-in-law and sister. Call, on the phone. So, here is another area I’m stuck in 2017. Technology, isn’t the only area I notice the missing time. I know there was video calling options, but nothing used as much as now.

Skipping to the appointment, I was able to be understood giving my name and DOB. There is that great smile when I say our last name because to be fair, they would have no idea if I was saying it correctly or not. 😉 I also had blood drawn and I was able to clearly explain I’m a hard draw. I don’t remember always being a hard draw but definitely since the accident.

I had to laugh at my mammo appointment, because I have always heard it was painful. To be fair, it’s uncomfortable yes, but nothing was more painful than the left scapula being stretched and held in place so I could get the extra image. BUT I made it! And I got the clear within days.No extra images needed…thank goodness my left scapula couldn’t take more positioning.

As great as that is, I am left in awe that I can speak and be understood. One of my tharpists was saying to me just today I am harder on myself than anyone else is. More aware of what I think might be a lack on my part. In context we were talking while I was walking, (Which is now a big deal.) we had stopped for a quick breather, and I was sharing just how I had gotten more confident talking in public places. To hear her telling me that not everyone was as aware as I am of how much work it is to make “mouth words”, really made me just smile in my heart. Gratitude just gratitude, so thanful for the years of work it took to get here.

I’m not done working yet either! It is just so heart warming after spending so many months and years either completely non verbal or just barely verbal, to just be understood. Especially, when I radomly change topics. Seriously AMAZING!!!

Then on Friday my bestie and I went to Goodwill, to look for jeans. A specific brand that I had seen the day I asked about golf skirts for my oldest daughter. I was speaking to my besty while we browsed. I made a joke and started laughing, because don’t forget, I’m funny. I happened to glance at the row over, and there was a lady looking at me. She was smiling, so I assumed, for my own confidence, she understood me. But friends it is hurtful and makes me want to shut up when people keep looking at me after I speak. It is really hard to speak clearly, and well…I was joking around with my bestie and not spending the extra energy to be understood by anyone.

Being in a store is a brain workout, there’s so much activity. Speaking adds another brain workout whice, takes energy. Moving clothing on the rack to look at clothing is occupational, arm & shoulder & abdominal on top of brain work. I was in my chair walking would probably been too much, so thank goodness for my chair and my bestie, she works with me in my worst talking moments and has also seen the best moments, but she has worked with other brain ingury patients so she is also very protective and encouraging.

We left not finding the jeans I was hoping to find, but with some other fun pants. Until I had gone with my husband and daughter about a week before, I had forgotten how much I like that store in our town. Just fun things.

Then Friday Aug 20th this happened…

With Recreational therapy and my bestie I went for a short walk, 100 feet, before we decided we should just sit and enjoy the sun. It was wonderful! The sun was shinning but it was 70ish. While we were sitting I got cool, so we left. It really was just wonderful to feel some sense of my old life. I used to spend a lot of time downtown.

I’m not sure you can tell but the shoes are new and the one on the left foot is HUGE…

A photo of the size difference. Walking in these shoes with my AFO (Ankle Foot Orthotic) has been nice. There have been many steps since getting the shoes that have made me ask why I didn’t try sooner to get AFO shoes.

I did need two diffrent sizes. the xx wide for the left and then we went a whole size down and regular width. I chuckled…I have always loved shoes because my size was between 7 and 8 in almost everything, so my size never changed, unlike clothing sizes. But in these AFO shoes one foot is a 7 and we sized down to a 6 for my right foot. A 6!!! I mean, BillyFoot wear is the BEST for downsizing a size…I don’t care if it’s shoes. 😁 The company who makes these shoes is….

If you have any type of needs for putting on shoes these shoes offer a great option for success. And they have some really cute shoes too!!

I have to say this has been one of the easiest “anniversaries ” of the accident. Even with the start of school. I am really hoping that 7 ends up the “number of completeion”. I don’t expect my body to be perfect, but my mind & heart begin to settle into this new place of planting. Growing…and growing. Matt and I continue to fight for our family and marriage. It’s not been easy and I am hoping we also grow and heal together with our family as we move forward in what has really been a crazy ride.

I am so proud of my children’s tenacity through this journy…seriously so much of the time I just watch in awe. This is what they did for me today…

Blesses my heart!!!

I want to update the site a little and replace the image. It just feels like time. You know 7 years and all.😁

♡TeamGavrilides ♡TBI Survivor ♡Faith to walk in the middle ♡Seed of Hope